3103 Elim Ave.

Is your closet full of pants bigger than they feel? "Honeybunch, I wear a 36, how can these be 44's? You readin' the label right?" Sure, it's an issue, but not at a house that feels bigger than it is. So, slip on a pair of those stretchy lavender sweat pants, the ones with PINK across the butt, and get on over to look at this dainty abode. Small can be big and good! But don't rush inside. Take a moment to admire the front symmetry of this fine estate. Two front bushes, two front railings, two upper windows and eight front porch windows (which is divisible by 2). They've been planning that since 1916, so if two isn't your favorite number, you might want to consider it. Note the front driveway... nice but it isn't the only driveway. Imagine pulling up in that front driveway with a handful of party balloons. Your neighbor across the street is watching. Go inside, then sneak out the back door with your balloons and take off on your scooter parked in the garage. They will never have a clue. And your balloon fetish is nobody's business. Anyway, we digress. Head on into the front porch and discover it really has 14 windows total. Hmmm... What a great place for some rocking chairs, a checker board and sweet tea (or unsweet as circumstances may dictate). We then move to the functional living room. Notice how the distressed, weathered floor (don't worry, it's new) plays with the light from the windows and carries your eye into the dining area? Were they thinking sectional couch and big screen back in '16 when they built this room, or was it just some crazy fluke of history? We'll never know, but you know where all your stuff's going to go. Next is the formal/informal dining room. Again, uncanny modern design in an older house - the room where everyone gathers to enjoy meals and conversation (hypothetical - assuming a world with no TV, Instagram, Xbox or Facetime) perfectly positioned between the kitchen and living room. Peek out into the back porch - a room with the sole purpose of trapping children (and some adults) with muddy shoes like a Mr. Clean spider (the door to the dining room can be locked also). The kitchen is one of those "around the corner" surprises you don't expect unless you're at a haunted house. The layout screams efficient meal prep because you can flip back and forth from stove to sink to acres of counter space without popping a button on your britches. Sure it's new, but don't worry, you're worth it. Turn left and BAM... half bath for all first floor eliminations. Beautiful. Wait, what's that little room next door? Well, we'll call it an office or hobby room. You could make it a sewing room to loosen pant seams as needed. Or if you have someone less than 48" tall, maybe another bedroom (if they are that small it will look bigger - we've tested it). Head upstairs and you'll notice the nice wide hallway with TWO windows (this is starting to scare me) flooding it with light. Three good sized bedrooms and lots of closets. Full bath with period appropriate white subway tile in the tub area and big enough to do some (but not all) Irish jigs when you get done bathing (hold the towel with your arms cause you don't move your arms for these jigs, which is why they are spot on for post bathing celebrations). Pull down attic stairs - guess where your holiday decor is going (or an in-law overstaying their welcome). Full basement with stuff updated sits right below all we've discussed. That's where you do the laundry, rebuild carburetors, and hide balloons. The previously noted alley access with large two car garage is just making the excitement crazy at this point. New wood fence (it's the neighbors) on one side. Act really annoying when you move in and maybe the other neighbor will fence their side in too. Just a thought. Now that we've discussed the charms of this home, we need to discuss timing. You need to keep those sweats on and get here quick. Look, love and decide. You got one chance. Don't blow it. Just saying.